Friday, October 19, 2012

Last Day of Mountain Phase

I really struggled with the title of this post. Maybe it's because I have zero information about what's going on over there, but I've become highly superstitious these past 40 days. Seriously, do you realize that God would have ended the flood in Noah's time by now? 40 days and 40 nights. Not saying that the Almighty-created flood compares to Ranger school, I'm just making a dramatic point.

I didn't want to call this post what I did -- I should put quotes around the word "last," but then that makes it sound like I don't have faith in B. So, imagine the quotes are there, but they're there because, inevitably, someone is in this class will have to repeat Mountain Phase all over again. I just pray it's not B. But, if it is, I will survive, because I've been gearing up for this school for nearly 3 years when B. and I started dating. Hooah.

I have a lot of questions running through my mind. Did he get my care package(s)? Are the RI's really as vindictive and psycho as I think they are? Do they take note of how much mail a Ranger candidate receives, and then withholds outgoing mail from the postal office? Or am I reading way too much into this? What is the morale like in B's platoon (since it's platoon-lead operations)? More importantly... Will I be able to say the right things if the call I might get tonight is not bearing good news? Will I be able to lift him up in a time where he will be so down, and so disappointed? I'm praying for strength and patience, and for God to work through my words, if that's the case. I know there's no way I can do it without His guidance, that's for sure. I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth, so, c'mon Big Guy, help a sister out, please... sir? Amen.

Moreover I think about B. What he's doing, how much he's had to eat, when he might have had his shot at getting his "Go," and a million other little things. If he was reading this right now, he'd tell me (like always) to stop worrying -- and (like always), I'd respond with:

"I'm not worrying, I'm just thinking..... intently."

Yup, that's one of the little rituals that is missing while he's gone. I, the Type A personality with a penchant for over-analyzing; and he, the Type B personality who is gracious enough to put up with my neurosis, who has a constant guilt complex that he seemingly causes my over-analyzing (sweetie, if you ever end up reading this, it's not you... I'd over-analyze a million other things if you weren't Army, so RLTW).

So, on Friday, October 19th, 2012, Ranger School Day 40, with however many more days left until graduation (there's that fear of jinxing him again...), I sit at my computer at work, no appetite and phone attached to my hip.

Stay classy.


Allison said...

Brilliant pic. I have thought the exact same phrase about this school!!!

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